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How Avoidance, Not Mortality, Shapes Our Fear Death is often treated as the central problem, an intrusion to be managed, delayed, softened, or ignored. Yet for most people, it is not death itself that causes the greatest distress. It is the absence of language, familiarity, and shared understanding that surrounds it. Photo Credit: Adeline Burkett We live within a culture that excels at preparation for almost everything, except dying. We plan careers, retirements, and travel i

How values-based planning creates steadiness over time End-of-life planning is often approached with hesitation. Many people associate it with fear, loss of control, or a sense that something is being brought to a close. In reality, much of that discomfort comes from how planning is framed, not from planning itself. When planning is treated as a checklist to complete or a set of decisions to finalize, it can feel rigid and overwhelming. When it is approached as a values-based

Reflecting on a life without judging it Life review is often misunderstood as looking back in order to decide whether a life was good, successful, or complete. In popular culture, reflection is frequently framed as either celebration or regret, pride or disappointment. Within end-of-life work, that framing can feel limiting. Life review, as it is used here, is not about evaluation. It is about integration. Rather than asking whether a life measures up to an external standard,

One way end-of-life doula work can begin End-of-life doula work is not uniform, and there is no single way it must be practiced. Some doulas focus primarily on presence near death, others on practical planning, family support, ritual, or caregiving education. Life assessment is not included in every approach. What follows describes one way end-of-life support can begin: by pausing to understand where a person is now, before looking backward or ahead. This approach centers the

An orienting essay on what end-of-life doulas actually do, why people seek this support earlier than expected, and how life assessment, life review, and planning can create clarity without urgency.